20. But his most inward ground, viz. the band of God's anger, complains against him and condemns him, that he did not preserve grace. It blames him for an unfaithful perjured man, who has tasted God's grace, and how it was bestowed on him of mere mercy, and that he has for the lust's sake of the flesh spoiled and lost all again. And then he stands as one that is not worthy of anything, so much as to look up to heaven, or that the earth should bear him, that he has for such base lust's sake of the flesh squandered so precious a thing again, and thinks yet with the poor publican and sinner, and with the lost son, the keeper of swine, He will turn again, and come to the salvation of God. And then first it is in right true earnest, and then goes Jacob's sons all one and other the second time into Egypt into repentance, to buy heavenly corn, and then must the old Adamical Jacob, viz. the body, stay at home in calamity.
21. In this earnest it is that Benjamin, viz. the inward ground, is first taken along. And now the first will is broken, and goes no more in and with such a purpose as at the first time. And they come now no more as spies before Joseph, but as earnest hungry men, viz. with an earnest hungry life, which from all its powers and virtues hungers after God's mercy, after the food of Jesus Christ.
22. Here now begins the earnestness, in fear and trembling. And this is the true going forth after heavenly food, wherein the conscience stands in anxiety, and reason despairs of its own ability, and thinks, Alas, God is angry with me: where shall I seek for grace? I am not worthy of it; I have trampled it underfoot, I must stand ashamed before God. Into what deep shall I go, where I may dare to lift up my face to God, and bewail my wants to him?
23. Then comes the poor conscience, in need, and with trembling, before God, and has not many confessions or words, for it accounts itself too unworthy to speak one word before God, but sets itself before his face, and bows down to the ground; and thus in itself demerses itself into the most mere and deepest mercy of God, into Christ's wounds, suffering, and death, and begins from its most inward ground to sigh, and to fly into grace, and wholly give up itself thereto: as Joseph's brethren came thus the second time before Joseph, and fell down before him.
24. And when Joseph saw them thus, that they were all there and stood so humbly before him, he had so great compassion upon them that he could not speak a word either: but turned him and wept. And this is the state and condition wherein the inward ground of the heavenly world's substance which faded in Adam (into which God again inspoke or inspired his Word of grace in Paradise, for an ensign, banner, mark and limit), became living again in this compassion, wherein Christ is assuredly born in man in this ground, and now instantly arises, through his sufferings, from death in man, and there sits at the right hand of his Father; which right hand is the fiery soul from the Father's property in the Word of the eternal nature, and presents the soul in this ground before the anger of God, and satisfies and fills it with love.
25. And here a Christian begins to be a Christian, for he is one, in Christ, and is no more a spy and verbal or mouth-Christian: but that is in the most inward ground. And here Simeon is loosed, and there is no more condemnation to those that are thus in Christ Jesus (Rom. viii. I). Although perhaps the outward body is in this world, and subjected to vanity, yet it hurts it now no more: but every failing which it now commits in the flesh must turn to serve for the best
20. But his most inward ground, viz. the band of God's anger, complains against him and condemns him, that he did not preserve grace. It blames him for an unfaithful perjured man, who has tasted God's grace, and how it was bestowed on him of mere mercy, and that he has for the lust's sake of the flesh spoiled and lost all again. And then he stands as one that is not worthy of anything, so much as to look up to heaven, or that the earth should bear him, that he has for such base lust's sake of the flesh squandered so precious a thing again, and thinks yet with the poor publican and sinner, and with the lost son, the keeper of swine, He will turn again, and come to the salvation of God. And then first it is in right true earnest, and then goes Jacob's sons all one and other the second time into Egypt into repentance, to buy heavenly corn, and then must the old Adamical Jacob, viz. the body, stay at home in calamity.
21. In this earnest it is that Benjamin, viz. the inward ground, is first taken along. And now the first will is broken, and goes no more in and with such a purpose as at the first time. And they come now no more as spies before Joseph, but as earnest hungry men, viz. with an earnest hungry life, which from all its powers and virtues hungers after God's mercy, after the food of Jesus Christ.
22. Here now begins the earnestness, in fear and trembling. And this is the true going forth after heavenly food, wherein the conscience stands in anxiety, and reason despairs of its own ability, and thinks, Alas, God is angry with me: where shall I seek for grace? I am not worthy of it; I have trampled it underfoot, I must stand ashamed before God. Into what deep shall I go, where I may dare to lift up my face to God, and bewail my wants to him?
23. Then comes the poor conscience, in need, and with trembling, before God, and has not many confessions or words, for it accounts itself too unworthy to speak one word before God, but sets itself before his face, and bows down to the ground; and thus in itself demerses itself into the most mere and deepest mercy of God, into Christ's wounds, suffering, and death, and begins from its most inward ground to sigh, and to fly into grace, and wholly give up itself thereto: as Joseph's brethren came thus the second time before Joseph, and fell down before him.
24. And when Joseph saw them thus, that they were all there and stood so humbly before him, he had so great compassion upon them that he could not speak a word either: but turned him and wept. And this is the state and condition wherein the inward ground of the heavenly world's substance which faded in Adam (into which God again inspoke or inspired his Word of grace in Paradise, for an ensign, banner, mark and limit), became living again in this compassion, wherein Christ is assuredly born in man in this ground, and now instantly arises, through his sufferings, from death in man, and there sits at the right hand of his Father; which right hand is the fiery soul from the Father's property in the Word of the eternal nature, and presents the soul in this ground before the anger of God, and satisfies and fills it with love.
25. And here a Christian begins to be a Christian, for he is one, in Christ, and is no more a spy and verbal or mouth-Christian: but that is in the most inward ground. And here Simeon is loosed, and there is no more condemnation to those that are thus in Christ Jesus (Rom. viii. I). Although perhaps the outward body is in this world, and subjected to vanity, yet it hurts it now no more: but every failing which it now commits in the flesh must turn to serve for the best
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