The Confessions of Jacob Boehme

But when in my resolved zeal I gave so hard an assault, storm, and onset upon God and upon all the gates of hell, as if I had more reserves of virtue and power ready, with a resolution to hazard my life upon it (which assuredly were not in my ability without the assistance of the Spirit of God), suddenly my spirit did break through the gates of hell, even into the innermost moving of the Deity, and there I was embraced in love as a bridegroom embraces his dearly beloved bride.

The greatness of the triumphing that was in my spirit I cannot express either in speaking or writing ; neither can it be compared to any thing but that wherein life is generated in the midst of death. It is like the resurrection from the dead.

In this light my spirit suddenly saw through all, and in and by all, the creatures ; even in herbs and grass it knew God,p. 19 who he is and how he is and what his will is. And suddenly in that light my will was set on by a mighty impulse to describe the Being of God.

But because I could not presently apprehend the deepest movings of God and comprehend them in my reason, there passed almost twelve years before the exact understanding thereof was given me.

And it was with me as with a young tree, which is planted in the ground and at first is young and tender, and flourishing to the eye, especially if it comes on lustily in its growing ; but does not bear fruit presently, and though it has blossoms they fall off: also frost and snow and many a cold wind beat upon it before it comes to any growth and bearing of fruit.

So also it went with my spirit : the first fire was but a beginning and not a constant and lasting light ; since that time many a cold wind blew upon it, yet never extinguished it.

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The tree was also often tempted to try whether it could bear fruit, and showed itself with blossoms ; but the blossoms were struck off till this very time, wherein it stands in its fruit.

From this light now it is that I have my knowledge, as also my will, impulse and driving ; and therefore I will set down the knowledge in writing according to my gift, and let God work his will. Though I should enrage the whole world, the Devil, and all the gates of hell, I will look on and wait what the Lord intends with it.

For I am too, too weak to know his purpose ; and though the Spirit affords in the light some things to be known which are to come, yet according to the outward man I am too weak to comprehend them.

The animated or soulish spirit, which unfolds its powers and unites with God, comprehends it well ; but the animal body attains only a glimpse thereof ; just as by

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a lightning-flash. This is the state of the innermost moving of the soul, when it breaks through the outermost in an elevation by the Holy Ghost. But the outermost presently closes again, for the wrath of God is stirred up there as fire is struck from the stone, and holds it captive in its power.

Then the knowledge of the outward man is gone, and he walks up and down, afflicted and anxious, as a woman with child who is in her travail, and would willingly bring forth, but cannot and is full of throes.

Thus it goes also with the animal body when it has once tasted of the sweetness of God. Then it continually hungers and thirsts after it ; but the Devil in the power of God's wrath opposes exceedingly, and so a man in such a course must continually be anxious ; and there is nothing but fighting and warring for him.

I write not this for my own glory, butp. 22 for a comfort to the reader, so that if perhaps he be minded to walk with me upon my narrow bridge, he should not suddenly be discouraged, dismayed, and distrustful, when the gates of hell and God's wrath meet him and present themselves before him.