The Confessions of Jacob Boehme
Now I am climbed up and mounted so very high that I dare not look back for fear a giddiness should take me ; and I have now but a short length of ladder to the mark to which it is the whole desire, longing, and delight of my heart to reach fully. When I go upward I have no giddiness at all ; but when I look back and would return, then am I giddy and afraid to fall.
p. 14
Therefore have I put my confidence in the strong God, and will venture, and see what will come of it. I have no more but one body, which nevertheless is mortal and corruptible ; I willingly venture that. If the light and knowledge of my God do but remain with me, then I have sufficientlv enough for this life and the life to come.
Thus I will not be angry with my God, though for his Name's sake I should endure shame, ignominy, and reproach, which springs, buds, and blossoms for me every day, so that I am almost inured to it : I will sing with the prophet David, Though my body and soul should faint and fail, yet thou, O God, art my trust and confidence ; also my salvation and the comfort of my heart.
CHAPTER III
ME N have always been of the opinion that heaven is many hundred, nay, many thousand, miles distant from the face of the earth, and that God dwells only in that heaven.
Some have undertaken to measure this height and distance, and have produced many strange and monstrous devices. Indeed, before my knowledge and revelation of God, I held that only to be the true heaven which, in a round circumference, very azure of a light blue colour, extends itself above the stars ; supposing that God had therein his peculiar Being, and did rule only in the power of his Holy Spirit in this world.
But when this had given me many a np. 1 hard blow and repulse, doubtless from the Spirit, which had a great longing yearning towards me, at last I fell into a very deep melancholy and heavy sadness, when I beheld and contemplated the great Deep of this world, also the sun and stars, the clouds, rain and snow, and considered in my spirit the whole creation of the world.
Wherein then I found, in all things, evil and good, love and anger ; in the inanimate creatures, in wood, stones, earth and the elements, as also in men and beasts.
Moreover I considered the little spark of light, man, what he should be esteemed for with God, in comparison of this great work and fabric of heaven and earth.
And finding that in all things there was evil and good, as well in the elements as in the creatures, and that it went as well in this world with the wicked as with the virtuous, honest and godly ; also that the barbarous people had the, best countries in
p. 17
their possession, and that they had more prosperity in their ways than the virtuous, honest and godly had ; I was thereupon very melancholy, perplexed and exceedingly troubled, no Scripture could comfort or satisfy me though I was very well acquainted with it and versed therein ; at which time the Devil would by no means stand idle, but was often beating into me many heathenish thoughts which I will here be silent in.
Yet when in this affliction and trouble I elevated my spirit (which then I understood very little or nothing at all what it was), I earnestly raised it up into God, as with a great storm or onset, wrapping up my whole heart and mind, as also all my thoughts and whole will and resolution, incessantly to wrestle with the Love and Mercy of God, and not to give over unless he blessed me, that is, unless he enlightened me with his Holy Spirit, whereby I might understand his willp. 1 and be rid of my sadness. And then the Spirit did break through.
Now I am climbed up and mounted so very high that I dare not look back for fear a giddiness should take me ; and I have now but a short length of ladder to the mark to which it is the whole desire, longing, and delight of my heart to reach fully. When I go upward I have no giddiness at all ; but when I look back and would return, then am I giddy and afraid to fall.
p. 14
Therefore have I put my confidence in the strong God, and will venture, and see what will come of it. I have no more but one body, which nevertheless is mortal and corruptible ; I willingly venture that. If the light and knowledge of my God do but remain with me, then I have sufficientlv enough for this life and the life to come.
Thus I will not be angry with my God, though for his Name's sake I should endure shame, ignominy, and reproach, which springs, buds, and blossoms for me every day, so that I am almost inured to it : I will sing with the prophet David, Though my body and soul should faint and fail, yet you, O God, art my trust and confidence ; also my salvation and the comfort of my heart.
CHAPTER III
ME N have always been of the opinion that heaven is many hundred, nay, many thousand, miles distant from the face of the earth, and that God dwells only in that heaven.
Some have undertaken to measure this height and distance, and have produced many strange and monstrous devices. Indeed, before my knowledge and revelation of God, I held that only to be the true heaven which, in a round circumference, very azure of a light blue colour, extends itself above the stars ; supposing that God had therein his peculiar Being, and did rule only in the power of his Holy Spirit in this world.
But when this had given me many a np. 1 hard blow and repulse, doubtless from the Spirit, which had a great longing yearning towards me, at last I fell into a very deep melancholy and heavy sadness, when I beheld and contemplated the great Deep of this world, also the sun and stars, the clouds, rain and snow, and considered in my spirit the whole creation of the world.
Wherein then I found, in all things, evil and good, love and anger ; in the inanimate creatures, in wood, stones, earth and the elements, as also in men and beasts.
Moreover I considered the little spark of light, man, what he should be esteemed for with God, in comparison of this great work and fabric of heaven and earth.
And finding that in all things there was evil and good, as well in the elements as in the creatures, and that it went as well in this world with the wicked as with the virtuous, honest and godly ; also that the barbarous people had the, best countries in
p. 17
their possession, and that they had more prosperity in their ways than the virtuous, honest and godly had ; I was thereupon very melancholy, perplexed and exceedingly troubled, no Scripture could comfort or satisfy me though I was very well acquainted with it and versed therein ; at which time the Devil would by no means stand idle, but was often beating into me many heathenish thoughts which I will here be silent in.
Yet when in this affliction and trouble I elevated my spirit (which then I understood very little or nothing at all what it was), I earnestly raised it up into God, as with a great storm or onset, wrapping up my whole heart and mind, as also all my thoughts and whole will and resolution, incessantly to wrestle with the Love and Mercy of God, and not to give over unless he blessed me, that is, unless he enlightened me with his Holy Spirit, whereby I might understand his willp. 1 and be rid of my sadness. And then the Spirit did break through.
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